"Fucking Pornstache, I want to drive a fucking dumptruck over his weird nasty existence and give him a handjob with a sandblaster. I want to rub gator chow on his face and leave him in the Everglades. I want to give him a goldfish to care for in his loneliest hour and then slowly eat the live goldfish in front of him. I want to drop him off for soccer practice but forget to pick him up. And when the coach calls me telling me that Pornstache has been waiting at the peewee league fields for two hours, I want to ask him to put Pornstache on the phone, and then I will tell Pornstache that no one loves him and no one is coming and no one cares. I want him to feel that kind of pain. That’s how strongly I feel about the shit he’s been pulling this season. I will not be happy until he suffers."